Constructing a Self: We are made from stories

“I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Constructing a Self is a fundamental developmental process. We are continuously evolving, forming and revising our sense of who are are, which occurs through the telling and re-telling of stories about oneself, and also to oneself. It is the coherence and continuity of these stories over time that when woven into a narrative, become our identity.

The Self is a complex and multidimensional concept that is variously described within the field of psychology, as well as across other fields including philosophy, sociology and anthropology. When you have a solid sense of self, the boundary between Self and Other (or ‘me’ and ‘not-me’) is clearly defined. If you have trouble establishing and maintaining firm boundaries, it may be that you are in need of developing a stronger sense of self. Your self-concept may be largely positive or negative, and includes your self-worth, self-esteem and self-efficacy/belief. Having a negative self-concept may be reflected in the stories you tell about yourself (e.g., critical or degrading) and associated with feeling sad or anxious, lacking confidence, as well as perfectionism. You are more likely to be fulfilled when you have a strong and positive self-concept because you have more of a Self guiding you through life and shaping your experiences, rather than being influenced by external forces.

Nurturing a strong and positive self-concept is a focus of therapeutic work. A negative self-concept may be deeply entrenched as a result of being reinforced from childhood. Perhaps no Self has been able to grow and there is an emptiness inside. Sometimes the Self is felt to be unstable and regularly shifting, making life chaotic, confusing and full of ups and downs. Or perhaps what has developed is a False Self that has been stamped and imposed from the outside, rather than cultivated and unfolded from within. It is within an ongoing therapeutic conversation with a skilled therapist that the Self is gradually revised and re-formed through the telling and re-telling of stories that supports the growth of a robust and authentic Self.

February 2024